My First Breath of LIFE

I was sitting in my orange, 70′s style theater seat, on a hot summer night at a camp I had reluctantly agreed to attend. Every night I was in the same seat, at the same time singing the same songs. And as a 7th grader nothing seemed to special about this week…. but this night was different.

This night I was crouched over in my seat, I was rocking back and forth. Music was playing but I didn’t hear it. People were crying and “sniffing” all around me but at this moment, it was as if nothing else existed outside of my pounding heart and laughing lips. Unexpected tears flooded my eyes… but these tears were different than before. Something had flooded my entire body, or maybe… it was Someone. I glanced to see if anyone around me had heard this deep vibration reverberating through my body, or maybe it was a voice that pierced the walls of this run down old “camp building”. But no one else seemed to notice, no one even seemed to notice the new, joyful laughter that exploded out of my crying eyes.  Something had just happened to me and I knew what that something was…that Someone was Jesus. And He was beginning to fill all the holes that had been gasping for love, hope, and acceptance all of my life. It was like I literally felt Him lifting all of my searching, pain, bitterness, and stress off of my shoulders and tossing them up into the infinite night sky. I knew I would never see that burden again. Jesus was giving me the life I had been searching for. Jesus…. was life, and He was showering me with Himself.

I closed my eyes trying to capture this moment and make sense of what was happening, and when I opened my eyes, it was if i realized for the first time that I was important, I was real, and that life had meaning. And all that matters in this life now…. Is Jesus.

7 months.

Can you believe it? Its been 7+ months since i have written anything on this blog. It feels like just a few days ago. But i guess thats what happens when the middle of the semester rolls around, final exams come,  you go to India for two weeks, take a summer class, work 40+ hours every week up until school starts again and have no time to breath before you’re back where you started…. 7 months ago.

Yep its the middle of my first semester of my second year of college. I have no idea how i got here this fast.  These past 7 months have been crazy. And if you look up the word crazy in the dictionary the first definition it offers is “mentally deranged”. And if you look down a few definitions you will find this one: “intensely anxious or eager”. And THAT describes my summer.

The reasons for this? I spent 7 months straight without stopping. Was it a good 7 months? oh yes! life changing actually. Did i enjoy myself? of course! out of the past 7 months, 4 of them were summer months! But the thing is, i didnt rest. I didn’t let myself recover from my first year of college, I didn’t let my body recover from the emotional and physical shock from being in India, And i didn’t adequately prepare my heart for a brand new year of college because I was so distracted by the millions of things demanding my time through ministry at church.

But I have learned more than i ever would have if everything were to have been slow and steady and gradual. I learned a LOT about what not to do when I go into full time ministry. I learned the importance of a serious silent time with God— just basking in his presence without worrying about the millions of others things fighting for my attention. I learned that you cannot help every single person you meet and you definitely cannot make everyone happy all the time. You can ONLY do what you are able to do. Jesus said, “Do not without any good from people If it is in your power to do it.” He didn’t say give people what you don’t have,  or do good to everyone you meet every single time even if you don’t have the ability or God given time to do it.

I lost some of my vigor through all the craziness and I have been working on getting it back. I have been working on kindling a fire that diminished through the business, and reclaiming passions that were clouded through exhaustion and fatigue. I am regaining strength to live radically.

I feel like I’ve been put “in the shop” and God is reshaping and re-molding my attitude and desires. I’m going back to my roots with a new outlook and I am letting God fully shape me into a revived human being designed SPECIFICALLY for His purpose and plan, not mine. So thats where I’m at right now. I’m waiting for revision of my soul and spirit.

Consume me like a fire Dear Lord, and set me ablaze and anew with YOUR glory.

The FEARLESS abundant life!!

I’ve recently been reading through the Book of Acts along with the Letters Paul wrote to all of the people he witnessed and discipled to in Acts.  Yes I have to do this for a class, but I am learning so much through it. And I love it!

I always knew Paul was a warrior. A fierce and strong man of God. But I guess I never thought of why he was like that or realized what made him like that. It never truly sank in the dedication of Paul. The confidence Paul had in knowing that Jesus was always with Him, telling him what to say, where to go, and how to do everything was almost unbelievable.

I just read Acts 21-23 and was completely overwhelmed almost to tears with how God provided and took care of Paul.  In Acts 21 the people Paul was currently with were trying to persuade him to stay with them. They loved Paul and did not want him to leave and go to Jerusalem because they knew that when Paul went to Jerusalem he would be persecuted and possibly killed. They wanted Paul to be safe and wanted Paul to live. So you know what Paul said to them? look at this!!!

“Then Paul answered them, ‘What are you doing weeping and breaking my heart? For i am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lords Jesus Christ!” (Acts 21:13 ESV)

See? Paul knew they were right, Paul knew he could possibly get killed and Paul could almost guarantee that he would be imprisoned. But He also knew that that was where God had called him! He knew that Jerusalem was where God wanted him to go. So Paul also knew that nothing would stop God from doing HIS will.

So think, when God calls you to do something… when The Holy Spirit is compelling your heart to talk to someone about God, or telling you to do this job or that job, or to even go here or go there, why do you say NO?!?! obviously that is where God wants you to go and God has designed you to do it so nothing can or will stand in the way of God. If God wants you to die, then be excited because then you get to go live with Him away from distractions and you will finally SEE Him fully! You should have confidence in God’s name and know that if God wants you to talk to someone about Himself, then obviously God is going to use it! trust that promise! Paul’s life is a prime example of a life completely in tune with the Holy Spirit. Paul lived a full, abundant, and exciting life, and minutes before he died I know he did not regret one minute of it.

I bet Paul would have never wished he could go back and relive his life with total comfort and safety in a big house with a white fence and a lot of money… (just something to ponder).

oh yeah and by the way, Paul did not die in Jerusalem, he was imprisoned but he was actually being protected by the people who were plotting to kill him. God worked it out so well (duh)!!!!! it blows my mind!!! (but it shouldn’t)

I want to live a life full of Christ. I want to be able say as Paul did in Acts 21:13 , “I am ready to die for the name of Christ.”

“Speaking of God…”

How many times do you find yourself talking about Jesus? or how came to this earth to die for you? and how He did it because He is so in love with you… How often are you even thinking about this?

¹⁴And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.¹⁵See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. ¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷pray without ceasing, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ¹⁹ Do not quench the Spirit. ²⁰Do not despise prophecies, ²¹but test everything; hold fast what is good. ²²Abstain from every form of evil. 1 Thesselonians 5: 14-21

We should always be alert. Be aware of what is going on around you and continuously be cautious of your attitude. These verses say to encourage the weak, be patient and lift others up! Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, and to pray without ceasing.

When you are doing all of the things these verses say you should be doing, Jesus will come up in your conversations. In fact, He will come up a LOT. Because you cannot stop thinking about Him, you will talk about Him. Is it wrong to always talk about Jesus? NO!

However, think about when your best friend get a new boyfriend or a new girlfriend… they will NOT shut up about them. Every other sentence that comes out of their mouth has his or her name attached to it. Why? because that is what is consuming their thoughts. It can get slightly annoying to the people listening unless those people are your close friends and are equally as happy for you and your new “significant other”. Everyone else will think you are an obsessed freak, so you have to be careful with how much you talk about that person!

It is the same exact way in your relationship with God. It should be hard for you to not talk about your Lover who rescued you and gave you LIFE and JOY. So when you are with your fellow Christians and those people who have the same passion and joy you do, let loose and have those hour long conversations about God and let out a jump of joy! but when you are with other people, people who are not saved, be mindful of what you say and how you say it. You can annoy them away if you refuse to get down to their level and calmly talk about God as well as other issues in their life.

Remember, before you are saved, you are blind. It is impossible to fully understand what the saved person sees and feels in life until you become one of the saved. So please, don’t scare them away before they even get a chance to desire the kind of freedom and love you have. Relate to them and be a witness to them in a calm, cool, and collected sort of way.

A mature Christian knows what to say and when to say it because he/she is constantly in fellowship with the one who orchestrates every aspect of life. The Holy Spirit guides them, and they don’t resist anything the Holy Spirit asks them to do.

Be Bold. Be smart. Be in your right mind (when necessary that is)

oh heaven.

2 Corinthians 5:1-5  ”Our Heavenly Dwelling”

¹For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. ²For in this tent we GROAN, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, ³if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. ⁴For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

Oh how I want to escape to heaven. There has not been a day since Christ Poured out His Spirit into my life that I have not thought about heaven. I understand exactly what Paul means when he says in verse 2 that we groan for our heavenly dwelling.  I do groan. And it is a physical pain in my heart! It’s a pain of longing and intense, deep desire.

I desire to live where there is no fear. I desire to live where there is no pain. I desire to live where there is no distractions! just think about that perfect day! A day when you wake up and the first thing you do (without even thinking) is talk to God! And you do it out of pure, joyous bliss.  And the rest of the day you do that same thing without any distractions, without anyone questioning you and what is awesome is everyone else is doing it too! THAT has GOT to be what heaven is like!

Think of the time when you were truly swept away in worship, that time (or those few times) when you can barely even remember what was happening around you except for the fact that you were with God. You felt Him, you knew Him, you were talking to HIM. Now imagine that times 10,000!!!!!! I believe that we are not able to truly experience real worship on this earth because it would kill us if we did. Our human bodies CANNOT handle it. That is about the closest we can get in real worship, it is a little glimpse into heaven. I would try to describe my own experiences but I honestly can’t. It would be impossible to try to explain all that takes place when I’m consumed in worshiping my Lord. so…. I’ll resist hehe

okay so! look at the last verse up there, verse five, the Holy Spirit is our GUARANTEE  for heaven! That is the incredible, indescribable feeling and wonder you get when you worship. Its the Holy Spirit and it promises something bigger!!!! I cant wait!! I would be completely fine with going there right now!! COMPLETELY! But alas, I know He’s planned out a little bit more  for me to do on earth before I go be with my Lover.  And that is perfectly alright with me.

here is something Miles McPherson said during our Spiritual Emphasis week at Liberty, it really stuck out to me: “Every time we go to sleep and dream it is a reminder of what is to come someday soon. Dreams are often times unexplainable and completely illogical and hazy, but they are also too wonderful to comprehend! Other times you have nightmare’s where everything is illogically terrifying and you cannot escape the fear! Every time you close your eyes to sleep, it is God’s reminder that you will one day close your eyes to this world and enter another One. It will either be a wonderful dream (heaven) or a terrible nightmare (hell). Which one will YOU enter in?”

A crazy calling.

so many things have been happening to me lately!! one of the reasons I havent posted anything in a while is because God has been ephiphanizing me like crazy! and yes… Im turning Epiphany into a verb from now on.

I dont even know where to start… or even how to explain. Im just going to be very transparent and let you know What God has been revealing to me! Mostly because I want you to join me!!! so.. here we GO!

For about a year now i have felt very stagnant, and in a haze type feeling… I call it the “unsettling peace of God” Because it is unsettling, and causes you to freak out and go crazy trying to do everything you can to get out of it, because you are neither on a mountain top or in a valley… you’re just there And its very annoying and spastic feeling. I felt like I had no time to get my head on straight and that at any moment everything was just gonna explode and I would not be able to fix it all, i.e. classes, meetings, church, and even my personal Bible study and Quiet time seemed tense and rushed and dull. It’s like I had been searching and seeking something… I didnt know at the time what it was or even really that I was searching. I just felt very “blah” and it scared me.  I’ve been like this before in my life and it was always right before God pounded me with something huge. When I was being called to ministry last semester I somewhat relieved this feeling or rather… gained excitement I had been lacking from God.  But it came back again within a few weeks. I knew it wasn’t God saying you made the wrong decision, but I just didn’t know what I was DOING wrong. I felt like I  did not “feel” God enough and that I was in some sort of haze and couldn’t break out of it.  I had no idea what God was planning and I was getting sick of waiting and sick of being in this dull phase. Well, that changed without warning about 2 weeks ago.

I was sitting in my Worship 101 class after I had just poured out my heart to God that morning about how I was perplexed and annoyed that everything was not clear and how I felt like I was missing something. I was just so frustrated and actually in my journal these words: “Sigh. I just don’t get it. I  guess what I need to do is get in the Scriptures more. maybe that will help, the only thing is I don’t know where to look! or even what im looking for! sigh. although im perplexed, i’d rather be perplexed and searching rather than feeling nothing at all….” and oh how all of that was about to change

I got in my WRSP101 class still frustrated and my heart was silently begging God to just show me something, or to let me feel something!  I got out my notes and started listening like every other day, when all of a sudden, everything changed! Now, keep in mind,  I am not exaggerating anything or trying to make this interesting, this is seriously what happened. FIRST My teacher said this: “I get parents calling me all the time saying how their daughter cant get a job in their Baptist church as a worship leader and how bad that is for them, so you know what I tell them? I tell them that maybe God doesnt want your daughter at a baptist church. Or maybe God wants to use your daughter to change the attitude of worship in that church…”  IMMEDIATELY after he said those words, My heart started FLYING.

My mind started exploding and my body was freaking out.I get “splotchy” when I get nervous, scared, or WAY excited, I guess Adrenalin does it to my skin, but it looks like I break out into hives. And yes, that happened in this moment. why?? because  God was revealing one of HIS blown up, gigantic, and enormously huge dreams to my mind and heart that has been sitting there since I was born and for some reason in that moment at 10:50 in the morning, God couldn’t wait any longer to take the sheet off those dreams and it was right there that he placed a new passion in my heart.

This same “vision” could be in other people’s hearts and minds yet they just dont know how to do it yet. Well, trust me. Its gonna happen and I don’t know when or how but… i’ll just put it this way: I know the day will come when God’s church will WORSHIP Him in spirit and truth with real freedom in Christ. God has no’t given up on that. And I believe it will be the youth who will spark this phenomenon!!!! And I know it will happen because thats what He showed me!!! I wish i could explain it in detail but, now just is not the time.

After I got this dream and it was like I felt God’s own excitement pulsing through my veins. I ran to the Library, got in a Cubicle and then wrote down this dream that i can now say is in my own heart. I wrote, and I wrote and I wrote and God just kept pouring it on!!  I don’t even know how long I sat there. I wrote I think 8 pages worth of ides, plans, new possibilities, dreams, and DUDE! God’s so awesome! He’s got a crazy plan! And I cant WAIT to see it happen.

So thats what’s been occupying my brain lately as well as other “calling’s” God keeps showing me.I would go into it all in more depth but there’s just no way I can really do God the justice He deserves.

Im going  ask you to start praying. Just pray that people will not stand in God’s way and that they will HAVE FAITH. And also pray for others to see that its not just a random, on a whim experience that I’m mistaking for wordly “feelings”. I know I am a tad bit eccentric when it comes to the things of God but I am NOT doing any of that for show. It is seriously just hard to contain the excitement and eagerness I have with God.

Again, I wish I could explain all of this so much more, and about how much my desire to get to know Him has increased, and how my fear of Him has increased. But this is already getting too long…. so i will say SO LONG and beg you to listen to whatever crazy thing God tells you to do!

A Title is not Necessarily Necessary

I know I say alot about how in love I am with God and how joyful and excited He makes me… and it is so true! So I dont want the next few sentences to make it sound like I am pretending to be so in Love or so joyful. I dont want it to seem like I am “faking” in anyway… because there is no way on earth I could fake something like Him. He is real and vibrant in my life and I absolutely adore Him with every particle and cell in my body! However, I am serious when I say that I am not always happy. I am not always “on top of the world”  feeling. For instance, going away from home and dealing with hurtful people… well, it hurts and discourages me on intense levels. But I promise that it is also the most exhilarating epiphany time of my life. You know why?  Because I see how much God loves me. I see how much He cares for me. He loves me so much and He wants me to love Him back as genuinely as He loves me. Its crazy but in order for me to love Him the way He loves me, I have to love Him on my own power. I have to Choose to love him. If I was forced to love Him in any way, it would not be genuine. In the words of John Eldridge, the reason for this is probably why “God sometimes seems shy to show His power and ability to work astonishing miracles.” And the fact that He is so perfect in the way He loves us and the way He desires my voice and my presence, brings ME to my knees in awe and gratitude and thankfulness. I get a ridiculously strong desire to serve Him, to bring Him glory, and to worship His unexplainable love!

When I read His scripture I cant hep but notice the heart and the love He has for His children, His sheep, His servants, His BRIDE. It brings tears to my eyes and breaks me down to a point where I am honestly so confused about why the heck He would love ME! and all the other people on the world for that matter!! oh yeah speaking of how small we as humans are: Peter (in the Bible) talks about how 1,000 years seems like only a day to God… so you know how long that would make our lives? 12 minutes and 30 seconds. We are only alive for 12 minutes and 30 seconds. Yeah…Let that little tid bit of information sink in. The way our minds work, it would seem stupid for The perfect, powerful God to spend those small 12 minutes chasing and loving us passionately. Yet He does! I will never be able to wrap my mind around that sort of perfection!! Even as I write this I feel extremely inadequate to try to “explain” what I experience everyday. It is a thrill, a satisfying adventure, and the most fulfilling relationship…..EVER. I came across a quote that seems appropriate at this moment…

“From the outside looking in, you can never UNDERSTAND it. From the inside looking out, you can never EXPLAIN it.“

dude…. that is so true it blows my mind. Well actually… God blows my mind. And I think He gets a kick out of it

well, i tried to explain it.

people say im crazy. people say im in my own world. i’ve been accused of ceaseless singing or humming. apparently smiling is involuntary and they want to know why. so here’s why.

I know THE wonderful one  and He talks to me all the time. He caresses my face with the breeze and excites me with the wind. He shows me how He dances over me and how He has power over me. He shows me how He creates and how how he changes and orchestrates. I feel his hand dguiding me with each step and word.  He gently tells me when I make a mistake and when I screw up our day. He calls me to repentance and He always forgives me. He makes me feel so unworthy and so incredibly worthless but at the same time so beautiful and purposeful. He just makes me fall apart when I see Him smiling at me! He always lets me know He loves me and it makes me laugh because that word love is so rich and so deep. He shows me His creation and brings me to my knees. He lets me worship Him in silence or in loud joyous noises! He laughs at me even when I make a stupid joke and I just roll my eyes and call  Him crazy.  When I am mad and crying, He runs to me and comforts me. He then lifts me up and carries me through whatever storm im facing. He whispers promises in my ear and I look around wonder if other people hear. He shows me stories and promises in His book and I just gaze at Him in wonder… how did He know just what to say. Sometimes He does so much for me and I feel like I cant give enough back, I fall down on my face and I fear Him! It is the strangest emotion I ever have. He stands over me in all of His power and glory and I cant help but wonder why all He IS, would come to all im NOT. And he comes to me so passionately and lovingly. He grabs me unexpectedly from time to time and just hugs me tight to remind me I am His. When He does this I cant help but laugh and delight in Him. The looks my fellow peers have given me make me wonder if I am the only one who knows Him in this way. He tells me to tell them about how He saved me. He squeezes my heart so hard sometimes because I am not His only love. He loves everyone else I come in contact with and wants to be with them the same way He is with me. Its wonderful to welcome someone into this happy, joyful family. And after I welcome them, I run away with My Lord and we celebrate! complete with dancing, crying, and laughing. I cant wait to see His physical face. I cant wait to touch the scars He received over me. I know I will stand in Him and through Him complete.  What a glorious day that will be. I am truly in love. And well… I just cant calm down about it.

My Testimony. (pretty long, but hey, I like to write)

I dont have one of those drastic “pulled from a burning buidling”, or “rescued from drugs and addiction” type of testimonies. Those you who do have those testimonies, believe it or not, are truly blessed. My testimony is not extravagant or anything to brag about, but like any testimony, Christ is involved. and I believe that any time He is mentioned… it is something extremely extravagant and something that should never go unmentioned. So here it is. Look at how Christ saved another soul.

I asked Jesus to come into my heart when I was about 5 years old. I was taking a nap in my room on a Sunday afternoon when I woke up and realized in a random, childlike way, that I had not asked Jesus to come into my heart. So I prayed a simple, 6 word prayer: Jesus Please come into my heart. And you know what? He did. In that moment, I was justified. Christ took away my sin and I was going to heaven. In that moment, Christ started to work in my heart, He started to prepare my heart for total commitment, for total surrender….  but I was five, there was no way I would even know what that meant. But, I began to grow up. I remember the first time I felt God’s presence in a worship service, I remember the first time I was moved by a song, I remember the first time I ever longed for heaven, and I remember the surprise I had when Istarted crying when my sister got saved! I didnt understand why I did those things, or felt those things, but I sure was about to find out.

During my 6th grade year, at the See You at the Pole rally at my church (it was the year we got the orange, black and white, baseball shirts for those of you who can remember..:)..) God started working on me. That was the night He started beckoning me into a full blown, love relationship with Him. And I was terrified. I didnt know what was going on or why I felt a strange tugging at my heart. And that night… the doubts began. I started thinking things like, “How could I have truly meant it when I asked Him in my heart as a five year old?! and how did my life change after I asked Him in my heart?!  I was only five!” So that doubt settled, and that night began the hardest and darkest time I have ever experienced so far in my Christian walk. All throughout my 6th grade year, and even into the summer, I doubted and searched. I tried to find peace and I was just confused! During the first semester of my 7th grade year it got bad. I remember crying out to God every single night out of fear and just anger that I didnt KNOW I was saved! Many times I would just sob on my bed, slam my fist into my pillow and just beg God to save me!! or at least Why i felt this way! My mom gave me verses, and I knew I was saved, but nothing seemed to ease the doubt and darkness and frustration.

Well, after Christmas that year and at the beginning of January, I went on a Middle school weekend retreat called Winter Haven. It was extremely fun and all of the messages were perfect. But during the very last service, I completely broke. And when I say broke, I mean I fell apart. During the invitation Joey Turner asked those who were unsure of their salvation to raise their hand. I didnt raise my hand.  I instead did everything I could to not start balling my eyes out. When the service was finally over and everyone started to disperse to “Olympic Games” I walked up to Joey and burst out into tears. Im pretty sure I scared him half to death and I felt like an idiot. Well somehow I managed to choke out, “I…dont…know…if…im…saved!” And he said, “well then. We gotta get that nailed down”. So I went with his wife Amy to another room and I sat down with her for a long time as she started telling me all the stuff i’d already heard, she kept asking me what I wanted and what was going on and I told her I honestly didnt know. I mean, I wanted to nail down my salvation, but for some reason, I had a hard time saying I wasnt saved. I knew I knew God. Why else would I have been feeling this way? She presented me the plan of salvation, gave me more verses, and more advice. And It was awesome stuff, but I had heard it before. I ended up just agreeing to something she said and just prayed a quick prayer to end it. I think I just did it because I was embarrassed. And I somehow knew that this wasnt what God wanted.

When I got home late that night, I went and talked to my mom about what I did with Amy. My mom seemed happy but still kind of concerned. She could tell I was embarrassed by the whole thing because, well she’s a mom and she’s just good like that. We sat on my bed and just began to talk about it. And although we had talked about it before, for some reason what she said that night really struck a chord with me. She talked about how we all have to take steps in our salvation, and how there was a time in her life when she had to kneel down and pray for God to not let her get up until she was somehow different, and closer to Him. So that night, after she left, when I was all alone in my quiet room, I got down on my knees. I was so open with God, the most open I had ever been, I told Him I was His. I told Him I wanted to live for Him, and I begged Him not to let me wake up the next morning feeling the same doubt, disbelief, and confusion that I had been feeling  for over a year. That was the night I surrendered.  The next day… I woke up smiling. I became dedicated to the work of My savior. I began a quiet time and started committing myself to prayer and began to seek and search for Him. And later into the summer before my 8th grade year… buddy did i find Him.

That Summer, I went to middle school church camp which at this time was still at Rocky Bottom camp for the blind….ahhh great place .  So we get there and I mean, this was an awesome year of camp.I had some great friends and everything we did was just great!! We went to camp McCall for a day and did all the ropes courses and gliders, and swings and yeah it was pretty sweet. But the sweetest thing about it was during the creative worship chapel. Now, everyone who has ever been to a camp with Rock springs knows that this is the night you just dont wear mascara for. Everyone knows God’s gonna do something and everyone expects it. Everyone is even looking forward to it… so of course, God does it. He changes people’s lives. And I was totally not expecting the change He poured out on me. I dont even remember what the theme of the service was, iIdont remember what was so creative about it, and I dont even know what the skits were about. But I do know that many people’s lived were changed that night. If I remember correctly, there were about 20 people who made decisions that night and it was a LONG service. Long in a good way. Everyone was crying (of course) and everyone was hugging… and still crying. But, sometime in the middle of all the crying and sobbing I heard around me, I heard something different. I heard God. I heard God in the clearest way I have ever heard Him.  I mean I physically felt all the breath in my body leave me, I mean… talk about goose bumps, this was the power of God. And I heard this ring clear as a bell throughout the entire chapel… “Sydney, I love you. And I died for you because I Love you so perfectly…” so I started laughing!!! I mean Iwas smiling and laughing and I wanted to just run out of the room rejoicing! Jesus loves ME!!! He died for ME!!! It was in that moment that Christ revealed to me His presence.He had been there ever since that day when i was 5 years old and i asked him to come into my heart, but on this particular night He must of seen my faith, He must of seen that I was truly going after Him, so He cut open my heart and just jumped right on in. That night I “got the joy” as I call it. Sanctification occurred.Christ entered my life and with Him, came so much joy, and so much peace. I mean it was a crazy experience that I believe every born again Christian has to experience at some point in their life. MY life changed that night. I looked at life differently, I acted differently, I became confident. I wasn’t a shy, timid, fearful, worrier anymore. I became a strong, humble, faithful, Warrior.  I got home from camp and determined in my heart that this was for real. This was permanent. No more doubting, no more fearing. It was all God, and He now had my life and He loved me to death….literally.  It was… awesome.

[alright im almost over rambling but this is necessary]

Now I can promise you that everything has not been happy go lucky from that point, I mean there have been storms and dry spots. Times where I didnt know why things were happening, and times I had to learn what it truly meant to trust God. There have been times when I didnt feel Him. And times where i was knocked down on the floor and disciplined. But you know what? I go through these things BECAUSE Christ is in my life. He teaches me and guides me, and shows me ways to glorify Him! Its so cool how it all works! I have hope. I have joy. I have peace. I know God will ultimately triumph. I am growing, and I pray that I never ever, EVER stop growing. I desire to become closer to My Lord every single day because He is the ruler, and sustainer of EVERYTHING. HE IS SO AMAZING!  He gives us a chance to have a relationship with him, so i mean DUH!  I am gonna take Him up on that offer!! Its a great adventure guys. seriously. If you have never experienced this joy, if you have never experienced this love! then please please please!! do NOT do another thing until you figure it out. Come ask me, or ask someone you know who does “have the joy” how you can get it too. Because dudes… God wants you. He’s calling you right now to Himself. HE wants to love you and have an intimate relationship with you. so go ahead and take the plunge. You’ll never look back.

Delighting in Ridiculous Love.

Delighting in the lord.

This has been on my heart for a very long time now because i have always loved the word delight! i even wrote a definition paper recently on the word delight. But There is a verse in the Bible that uses the word delight that i feel most of us have missed the meaning of. Im sure this verse is many people’s life verse. It’s definitely one of mine.

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourselves in The Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” that sounds pretty sweet right? it sounds like all we have to do is be happy with God, all we have to do is smile at God and He will give us whatever we want…..ummm…well….kinda sorta….NO.

This is a powerful verse. It is an amazing promise, but it is also a commandment. God calls us to delight in Him. The dictionary definition of the word delight is this:” to give great pleasure, satisfaction, or enjoyment to; please highly”.  Interesting isnt it? We as mere humans are basically commanded to give great pleasure to GOD?!  It sounds impossible! it sounds crazy! yet we are commanded to do it and He never calls us to do anything we cannot do. And you know what, we are able to do it. I think the reason we are commanded to do this (and this is just me, agree or disagree… we’ll debate later), is because ultimately, we find pleasure is pleasing our Lord. Sounds a bit backwards I know, but hang with me. Look at the rest of the Verse… “Delight yourself in the Lord and He WILL give YOU the desires YOUR heart”.  God’s love for us is ridiculous. I know that may sound sac-religious. But seriously there is no other way to describe it. It is SO hard to comprehend and I truly believe we will NEVER be able to wrap our minds around it. God loves us so selflessly and so unfailingly that He designed everything in a way that gives us this crazy joy! why the heck would He do something like that??? Sometimes I feel like I need to have a little chat with God and say, “God, do you even remember what we did to you??? shouldnt we be the one’s constantly giving you grace and lifting YOU up? why are YOU the one constantly doing that for US?? i mean We killed You!!!! and we bring You sorrow by sinning on a daily basis. I just dont get it God. It seems so wrong that You would give give give, as I take take take.”  ahhh!!! But ya know? thats just it. We can’t understand. We weren’t designed to understand. We can’t even start to explain the ridiculous way that He loves us. When we glorify Him, we feel pleasure. When we lift high his name, we are comforted, when we delight in Him, our one desire is to glorify Him. So therefore, when we delight in The Lord, we are gaining the true desires of our heart. We are being fulfilled by lifting high the Name of Jesus. WOW. If that doesnt break you down to the floor in shock and awe at your Savior then nothing will. If you dont feel like you should be constantly thanking and praising and rejoicing in The ONE who loves you and DIED for you, then I think you missed it. I think you might wanna check up on a little thing we like to call sin. Because that little thing really isnt that little…  it’s actually quite serious. It is why you hurt, It is why you fear, It is why you stress, It is why your friends die, It is why you feel like crying all the time, It is why you feel far away from The God who never left you, It is what causes you to fight with your family, It’s what splits families! And lastly… It is what caused The One who has loved you all your life… to die.

So please, get it out of your life and embrace the truth and the awesomeness of God’s amazing and ridiculous love.