That Moment.

This week in my Music Theory class we started talking about “form and analysis”. And well, because my Theory teacher also teaches the Theology of Worship class and the Philosophy of Worship class in my department, he sometimes accidentally ventures into his wise Biblical Wisdom mind instead of his extremely smart, brain melting theory mind. One of those ventures happened this week when he started talking about the different “forms” of music. He started with explaining how certain chord progressions have the potential to stir up certain emotions in listeners, and he soon began passionately explaining how every single human has a certain form they live by. And although my typical human form and reaction towards music theory is a stress headache, that day, the form was different…. and I liked it.

My Professor went on to talk about how humans are centered around a form of life. We are habitual and repetitive and even when we say we are “non-conformists” we actually are just creating another form to live by. It’s impossible to break this trend. Seriously. All you hipsters, I’m sorry,  but you aren’t different. I brush shoulders with about a hundred worship majors (including myself on occasion) who all think they are the most un-normal person on the planet. And what does that make them? Worship Majors. The form is typical; plaid shirts, crazy hair-dos, toms shoes, hats, scarves, skinny jeans, cardigans, oh and don’t forget the V-neck and small tattoo on the upper arm. It’s the typical “form” of a worship major at LU; and to be honest, I think it is fantastic.

As my Professor was speaking, I got to thinking. The moments that stand out to us in life are the moments that momentarily break the “form”. It can be big things or small things. Like, when we wake up later than normal the form is broken and we spend the entire day trying to get “back on track”. Or, When we slip and fall we momentarily break the normal stride of walking and it scares us….  when we meet someone new; we get excited because the view of people we always see changes…. And when something big happens like moving cities, states, or even countries, a major form is broken and we spend a long time establishing a new form of life. In the split instances that each of these moments happen, we are not thinking about how it will impact us in the future or how it is a moment that we will always remember, all that consumes our mind is how different and unsettling it is. Even the good moments are unsettling and throw us off track. But looking back, it is typically only these types of moments that have any sort of significant impact on us.

Why? I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around how we try so hard to be consistent and calm and “sane”. But when we look back, those moments that unsettled us and made us insane were actually the moments we appreciate and cherish. It doesn’t make sense to me, but then again it does…

Isaiah 55:8-9 says this:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

The moments that mean the most to us, whether they are life shattering or life amplifying, are the moments that cause change. It is those moments that shake us out of our worldly here and now mindset and give us an electrifying pull towards something more, something bigger, and something better. Those moments give us a power we either didn’t know existed, or forgot was available to us.

Whether we are on the ground sobbing our guts out and the only place to look is up, or when we are soaring so free in glorious joy that the thought of looking down never once crosses our minds….. it is in both of those moments we catch a glimpse of what we were really made for. Those moments catch us hard and we never forget them.

God is anything but “typical”. He doesn’t beckon His followers to something that seems possible and easy. He doesn’t beckon His followers to do things that are understood by both themselves and everyone who knows them…. and He doesn’t beckon us to everything we plan out in our heads. It’s actually quite great and hilarious… He creates our personalities and then calls us to do something that seems so far away from what we are “capable of” that the only way to explain it is to say, “It’s just a God thing and I can’t explain it but I have to do it”.

I fear living an insignificant life. My prayer is that God would shake me up and out. I don’t want to fight the shake ups. I don’t want to resist the Holy Spirit beckoning me to something massive and mindblowing. No matter how unsettling and terrfying the beckoning may be, or how shocking and painful the shake ups may be… I want to really know they mean something. If I can’t understand it and I never could have imagined it, I want to recognize right then and there that those moments are HIS thoughts and HIS ways.

I want to follow Him and stay faithful to Him through ALL of it. I know I can’t do the great things He has placed in my heart and mind on my own strength and willpower… but with His power? Absolutely nothing will stop me.

Changing.

Things are always changing in the world. Every year it feels as if the earth gets smaller.

When Columbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered this body of land we now call North America, the world definitely got smaller.

When human beings created maps, designed boats, built cars, and flew airplanes; the earth became small enough to travel.

When we got something called telephones and email, anyone could be reached, And then we got something that made it portable. Yes the world is definitely a smaller, more reachable place when we could talk to anyone and discover anyone at the touch of a button.

And then came the largest phenomenon that is now changing everything about how we live and communicate in the world; Facebook, twitter, social networking.

At any moment of any day, you are now capable of knowing anything you could possibly know about the news, celebrities, people and causes. If something tragic happens in China, people in America know about it within minutes, sometimes even seconds. You can video something and put it on Youtube and overnight become known by the world.

Yep. The World is definitely a small, small place.

There are many ways that this new ability to be connected could problematic, and many ways this change can be abused; but there is something brilliant about this change. There is something that is happening that is awaking the people of the world and particularly the people within my generation. And that is that we are the first generation to know that that within minutes, we can let the entire world know about something. A cause, a person hurting, people dying, people starving… anything in the world that happens, has the potential to be known. So now, when someone sees an inspiring video, reads and inspiring blog or book, it is quoted and multiplied by thousands of people until the whole world knows about it. The same happens when you hear about someone in need, change is not something that we think will be hard anymore, its simply something we see needs to be fixed, so we fix it. Change does not feel impossible or far away, it feels close and do-able.

That is what is so different about this generation. We do not think of change for God as being something we’ll do when we’re old, or we will pray for and let others do it; It seems easy, close, and almost like it is just understood that it will happen! If you hear about someone who needs something, you just do it now. There aren’t very many questions that need to be asked, you just do it.

And maybe this is only me. But I truly believe that the biggest difference in this generation and the generations before us, is the mindset we have about change. Change is something that can happen now. It is not far fetched anymore, it is not impossible, it is entirely here and now. It is completely possible; and it is almost like it is actually “un-cool” to do nothing because doing something is so easy and so right.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I am just passionate. But I truly believe that this is the time when the World will hear the name of Jesus and He will radically change everything we have ever known. Making His name known to everyone I meet is my desire.

Lord, I follow You.

The Fight.

I hate sin.

I hate sin.

I hate sin.

I hate the distortion of fallen humanity and the ugliness that is associated with it.

I hate that there’s a  conflict when worldly pleasures collide with the Spiritual rightness.

I detest when I allow those worldly pleasures  to seep inside

I hate when I feel contained and restrained in this human body and my soul wants nothing more to fly high and free with the Lord.

Every single minute of the day is a battle. It’s when I choose to ignore that battle that my defenses go down and the things I hate begin to transform into something beautiful and more appealing. I lower my weapons because I’m tired, strained and weary. The things I hate become a distorted beauty that entices and me and ensnares me. In no time, I’m trapped in their arms suffocating and fighting my way back out. I become defensive instead of offensive. The hate I usually feels towards them is distorted onto myself and guilt begins to take me down harder and faster than their hits and blows. I fight the pain, I fight the guilt, I remember who I am and I scream for help. I break away and throw up the only shield I own just in time to block another attack. With the shield infront of my entire body and their attacks hitting hard on the other side, I’m safe. The tears flow and I shrink against the inside of the shield I have become so accustomed to and let my mind dissect how and why I ever lowered this strong, protective barrier. The person who lowered the shield feels so far away now and I resolve to never lower this it again. As I rest behind this strong shield, I am revived, I am forgiven, and I am sheltered. A Strength grows inside of me that is not my own, I begin to draw my sword. A power and energy I have never experienced begins to toss away all fear. My fist clenches around the heavy handle and in one mighty, vigorous movement, I stand to my feet and I begin stabbing the enemy in the chest. The hatred and the passion that overtakes me with each movement of my arm invigorates my senses and I feel joy. This is not an earthly experience, this is not some fleeting feeling. This is something deep. This is something that keeps my heart pounding, and blood coursing through each and every vein. This drive and this need to fight back against the things I hate  is not something that overtook me over night. This is the fight of someone who was rescued from those enemy’s evil and enticing hands. This is the fight of someone who was saved and trained and empowered. Yes, the training was long, and the training was hard. The training included pain, but with the pain came power. The master who trained me is the same one who saved me. He is the One who designed the shield that protects me, and it is only because of His power now coursing through ever fiber of my weak being that I have the will to stand and fight back. It is because I know Him that I even desire to fight. And it is with Him that I know without any doubt that there will be a day when my fighting is done. The weariness will die and the pains from the battle will be swept away as I am swept into the Master Warrior’s arms. Because I know, I know I know I know, that He has already won.

Live Now.

We were called to live abundantly. That one statement creates conflicts and arguments every single day within the theological realm and definitely while living within an intensely Christian community. What I don’t understand, is why this is argued. And really, I’m beginning to wonder why we as Christians think it is so normal and productive sit over coffee or a nice lunch and simply “talk” about God. Basically, I’m just sick of talk.

Obviously this is a sort of frustration for me. Perhaps because when I started  this semester of school, I made a commitment to actually live for the Lord. He’s become more to me than a facebook status, a prayer inside of my bedroom, or hand raised in an emotional worship service. He’s real, and He’s alive inside of me. I refuse to ignore Him or diminish Him because that’s what i’ve always known to do. It’s time to just change! Just do it! It’s time to stop talking about it and sitting around thinking about it. The only way to change something is to do just that. CHANGE IT.

When I was in Middle School, in all of my great Spiritual maturity, I took on the phrase, “Just Live”. I Used to to say it to myself when I would begin to worry and obsess over things (I had/have a major worrying problem due to my people pleasing nature). This phrase kept me from dwelling on people’s thoughts of me and obsessing over getting people to like me. Now, this phrase has been brought to the forefront of my brain because it’s the only thing I can think of to say! God is life and without Him I can’t live. So I decided to JUST LIVE.

When Jesus called Peter out of the boat, Peter could have talked about walking on the water for days and weeks at a time. He could have prayed about it and debated the possibilities with his friends and mentors. But the thing is, He knew the moment God called Him that it was now or never. He knew that He didn’t need to talk about it, He just needed to do it. He just needed to walk; So He did. And just like Peter, we all know deep in our gut what is right… perhaps the only thing keeping it from happening is our ability to lessen it by talking and debating it.

I’m done merely talking about God. I’ve started living for God. This doesn’t mean I won’t fall… you do remember the rest of Peter’s story right? When He was merely feet away from Jesus Christ, He looked away. But who was there to catch Him? Jesus was. And Peter would have never been that close if He didn’t walk. He would have been still sitting in the boat with all His buddies pondering and debating whether that man was Jesus or a ghost. And I would venture to say that Peter never regretted stepping into those waters for as long as he lived.

We are all part of a story guys! I don’t want to miss my part! It’s as simple as giving and caring for people around you. We aren’t where we are by accident. God doesn’t mess up with where we are. With him, there are no coincidences. When hard things come up, we don’t just have to shake our heads and say, “What a shame, we must pray for them.” We can do something. There are a thousand different ways to give online to people who are in desperate need. The famine in the Horn of Africa is just one thing that is happening that most Christian’s don’t even know about. People are dying. And the solution to saving someone’s life is just one click away. I mean what else am I going to do with the money in my bank account? Eat out 20 times in the next month? I think there’s a better use of it. So just do something. Don’t wait till your older, wiser, more educated, or until you just “feel ready”. And definitely don’t wait till later, there is never a better time to do something for God. The best time is always NOW.

http://www.worldhelp.net/hornofafrica/

 

Ladies, We Have a Problem. . .

There comes a moment when you have to just got to stop caring about what you’ve been so used to caring about up until this moment. You know what I mean? Seriously! Girls get so used to having this one guy in their life even if they don’t even like the guy seriously. So much that when they actually get a guy they love, they still have a hard time breaking the mind-bend-habit they have of  always thinking about this other guy’s attention! It sounds complicated, but after all, we are female and we are so complicated. And that is just one example for these type of feelings.

You do not even have to truly have a relationship with any new guy to make your self stop caring. Over time, it is almost like you become tired of always having to think about this person who does not feel the same way you do and it is exhausting right? Yet, as females we hang on to that habit because it makes us feel less lonely. Okay, here is a practical exampe. When a girl begins to build a relationship with a guy who just sees her as a friend, it is not uncommon for her to start falling for the guy. So, she begins to periodically text him and pretends she does no’t like him ‘like that’. And it is not that hard to pretend because it is also not uncommon for her to truly NOT like him ‘like that’, she is just desperate for attention (which is not a bad thing, but I will attempt to address that sooner or later) and at the moment, he is giving her that much needed attention. Well time goes on and the realtionship is going no where. He does not talk to her as much and she has built up this unrealistic relationship in her head and she begins wrestling with how to deal with it. “Should I talk to him? No, I should just leave it, I don’t even like him that much! But, I do, I mean I could make myself like him, He’s a good guy and I know what to say to make him care. But then again, I don’t want to do that because it’s wrong, I would be leading him on.” …Yes men, those types of things actually happen in women’s heads all at the same time and it can lead to very bad actions.

This may seem silly, but really, habits consume girls. Girls fall into this habit of hearing a song and thinking of this guy. Or they fall into this habit of checking his profile page on fb like they have a right to. And then over time she starts to hurt because reality eventually does set in, and sooner or later  it is just time to stop. Girls, Break the habit because its unhealthy. Just run away. The loneliness you fear with giving up this habit is a lie from Satan. You can’t fill that gap with a man anyways.  Bottom line is if you keep doing that and dwelling so deeply on these desperate thoughts, then you will never be satisfied with any man at all! God is the only one who can fulfill those aching desires to be cared for and nurtured. That pounding ache of loneliness (that believe me I’ve felt), can only be filled by the unconditional love of Christ! He is waiting to pour His  healing love on those wounds and in those gaping holes, but you have GOT to let go of your bad habits and let Him inside! Just do it! It’s scary because it’s the unknown, but try it, It’s a God thing.

To Run and Never Look Back–More than a catchy statement used to pump people up.

Am I the only one feeling beckoned? I look around at the smiles and the laughter… does no one else care? Or are they all pretending? Can they really be truly content? Is it really THAT strange for me to want more? Is it abnormal for me to feel terrified of never moving, never growing, and never changing?

These are the questions that are causing chaos in my restless heart. These are the questions that have begun to haunt my once steady pace. However, there is one other question that has begun to rise above the chaos. This question echoes through my mind and stops all the others. With it, my heart begins to beat harder, and every other thought is hushed in a sickening, heart pounding silence: “Am I always going to be alone…?”

See, I have resolved to GO. I have resolved to never settle. I have resolved to never stop running. I resolved long before these questions ever entered my mind that I would follow at any cost. But this one question stopped my steady tracks and made me question every resolve I had ever made. Was the cost of loneliness enough to halt me? Is the cost of silent persecution enough to actually make me stagnant? Was this a cost that I had considered in the beginning? Was this a cost I even realized existed?

No. No it wasn’t. Without even realizing it, I had made a picture in my head that others would be running beside me–that I would never be alone, that there would always be someone I could look to and follow. I pictured someone like me who would hold my hand and physically pull. But instead, I have found that I am the one running ahead of everyone else. I am the one that looks to the right and to the left and no one is beside me. In confusion, I look behind me and see the smiles and the laughs and the ones that I once laughed and smiled with… and it makes me start to panic. The ache of leaving them behind is more than I can take and I am tempted to turn around and join them. I am tempted to slower my pace, take in a familiar, steady breath and never look ahead. But right as the temptation to stop my feet is about to take over, I look beyond my weary, slowing feet, and everything changes.

I see HIM. I see HIS smile. I feel HIS gaze. I see His feet firmly planted and I see HIS arms open wide… and although I cannot see where He is standing, I can definitely see Him and His strong arms. His steady, never distracted gaze strengthens me to keep running toward Him. He strengthens the weariness I have been wallowing around in. He directs me out of the circle’s I now realize I am swirling in and He pulls me out. He points me straight ahead and I am filled with purpose again. The hurt and the pull of what is behind me slowly begins to fade and the blur begins to clear. The blur never clears directly in front of me, but then again, it never has. Nonetheless, I still run.

With every outstretched leg, the once blurred path ahead turns into a single, crystal clear footstep.

With each footstep, no matter how hard it is to make, I am strengthened beyond comprehension by the pulling power of the almighty God who called me to make each footstep… long before I even took my first breath.

Psalm 139:16

Mark 1:16-20

I am Chosen, yet I am FREE…

I have just recently read Chosen But Free by Norman Geisler for my Theology 202 class. It is an incredible book and Geisler does an exceptional job at explaining the contradictions and disagreements many Christians have between Calvinism and Arminianism. Geisler’s entire foundation is built upon the idea that although we are designed and chosen children of God, He allows us to have the freedom to choose Him.

I agreed with basically everything Geisler stated in this book and was excited to see how much Scripture he used to not only back up his points, but he also stated the passages that are used to oppose his view. This shows a lot of maturity in a writer and a teacher.

The most obvious point that struck me about Geisler’s view in relation to my own views and beliefs in regards to Calvinism and Arminianism, was his emphasis on the love Christ has for His Children. God designed us and created us in His image, therefore we are like God. If we are like God than it should not surprise us that we have the ability to chose our own destiny. God definitely decides what He wants to do, therefore we decide what we want to do. Now this does not mean that we are completely and totally separated from God and that God does not care what we do and how we do it, on the contrary, as Geisler points out through numerous scriptures, God calls us to Himself. God designed us to have communion with Himself. But as Geisler points out beautifully, it would not be perfect communion if we were forced into the relationship with God.

God purposely designed humans to be able to reject Him because if we weren’t able to reject him, then that means we are forced to love him. And forced love, should not even be called love. Honestly, it would not even make sense to design people so perfectly and then force them to love you. That would be totally pointless. On the other hand, God designed people with the amazing ability to recognize God’s love and God’s grace and then be able to respond to it. We realize how much we are dependent on God and how much God truly loves us. That love that He has for us is so perfect that we give our lives to follow after the Lord and we begin to desire more of Him and we grow deeper and deeper in our quest to know Him more. If God didn’t allow us to recognize His love, but forced His love onto us by making it almost hypnotizing, then our whole lives would be seem insignificant and irrelevant. Geisler explains these points extensively throughout this entire book and never once turns away from the scriptures that proclaim these truths.

We were chosen by God to be His Children, yet we are free to accept His gift of a relationship and a constant fellowship with Him alone. This is an incredible gift and once taken hold of, this relationship will never be separated.

Do you worship the Lord? Or do you worship the Church?

Worship is our natural and spontaneous response to God’s love for us.

We are not supposed to be blessed by worship. We aren’t supposed to leave worship saying, “wow I loved that song and it really touched me.” Yes it’s a good thing to blessed and touched by songs. God uses music to speak to His beloved in a powerful way that words simply cannot do! But when that happens to you… that is not worship. Worship is being totally and completely raw in front of the Lord. It is allowing your heart’s greatest desire [which is to praise Him] be exposed in a sacred way that lifts high His Name. Worship is showing God that you are NOT important at all. It is showing God that He is higher and mightier than you will ever be and that you love that fact in your relationship with Him.

The irony God designed about entering this wonderful state of worship is that you actually DO get blessed by it. But now, instead of worshipping only to BE blessed and happy, you are worshipping God over and over again out of undying love for Him and who He is! What a crazy love He has for you that when you worship Him, He can’t help thanking you for it by blessing you! Grasping this fact only leads us to fall down and worship Him more.

So how can this type of worship be implemented in the local church? Isn’t there such a thing called “worship wars” that causes church splits and bitterness toward the local church in people’s hearts?

Yes. This is a sad fact in today’s churches. And I have seen this happen first hand believe that the only way it will ever change is if people begin to actually see God instead of just music. If the leaders and the pastors of church bodies would start to follow the Bible and be an active disciple for Christ then maybe all of the conflicts between style and type of music would fall to the way side a bit more.

I am in favor of the local church. There seems to be this trend going on in my generation that proclaims: “I hate the institution of church, I can worship Jesus without it.” Yes, you can worship Jesus without the church, but in reality you can’t have Jesus without the church. Instead of putting down the church and griping and complaining about all of the church problems; Be the church. Let’s stop building, making, and designing churches, and start living out the church. I believe that by simply following God with your entire being, some of the pettiness and exhaustion we experience in today’s church buildings will take care of themselves. But we will never know unless we pull together and follow hard after the Lord.

I Love Jesus

We say those three words almost immediately when asked “Who Jesus is to us”.

We immediately say, “I love you Jesus” at the end of almost every prayer.

We sing about “How we love Jesus”.

We joke about how “we just looooove Jesus so much we be crazy”.

 

Do you know what that statement means? Do you realize what you are declaring when you speak those three words?

 

Jesus is all I desire to know and see

Jesus is the One thing I need

Jesus is my source of ALL joy

Jesus is my source of ALL peace

Jesus lightens the way I go, therefore He’s the only One I look to for direction

Jesus is the only One I look to for guidance

Jesus is whom I seek all sustenance and empowerment

Jesus is the only one I allow to lead me into brand new, un-asked for experiences

Jesus is who I know better than anyone

Jesus is literally my life and fulfilment

Jesus is the only One I am obsessed with.

Jesus is who I crave

Jesus is everything I could possibly ask or desire

Jesus is the ONLY One I love

 

Love defined by God is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Cling to God alone. Whoever Loves God, hates his brother and mother. Whoever loves God denies himself. Whoever loves God dies. Love is genuine and honest. Love controls us. Love is the greatest commandment. Love is Jesus dying for YOUR sins.

Mark 12:30. Joshua 22:5. Luke 14:26. Romans 5:8. Romans 12:9. 2 Corinthians 5:14. Galatians 2:20

Before you say I love Jesus… make sure that definition of love lines up with what Jesus’s definition of love is. If not, there’s a chance it’s not exactly the type of love He asked us to offer.

 

My First Breath of LIFE

I was sitting in my orange, 70′s style theater seat, on a hot summer night at a camp I had reluctantly agreed to attend. Every night I was in the same seat, at the same time singing the same songs. And as a 7th grader nothing seemed to special about this week…. but this night was different.

This night I was crouched over in my seat, I was rocking back and forth. Music was playing but I didn’t hear it. People were crying and “sniffing” all around me but at this moment, it was as if nothing else existed outside of my pounding heart and laughing lips. Unexpected tears flooded my eyes… but these tears were different than before. Something had flooded my entire body, or maybe… it was Someone. I glanced to see if anyone around me had heard this deep vibration reverberating through my body, or maybe it was a voice that pierced the walls of this run down old “camp building”. But no one else seemed to notice, no one even seemed to notice the new, joyful laughter that exploded out of my crying eyes.  Something had just happened to me and I knew what that something was…that Someone was Jesus. And He was beginning to fill all the holes that had been gasping for love, hope, and acceptance all of my life. It was like I literally felt Him lifting all of my searching, pain, bitterness, and stress off of my shoulders and tossing them up into the infinite night sky. I knew I would never see that burden again. Jesus was giving me the life I had been searching for. Jesus…. was life, and He was showering me with Himself.

I closed my eyes trying to capture this moment and make sense of what was happening, and when I opened my eyes, it was if i realized for the first time that I was important, I was real, and that life had meaning. And all that matters in this life now…. Is Jesus.